my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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