his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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