Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
