Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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