last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
