I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
