You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
