how can u be prego again
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
