my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
