I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
