I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
