Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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