Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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