I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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