now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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