She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
