Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize