If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
