if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize