I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
two words...techno handjob
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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