I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize