I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
