it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
