I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
