What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Rumble strips road head = magical
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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