i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
