mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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