Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
