Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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