i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
