After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My dick has a subreddit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
