Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
