I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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