hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
