okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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