I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
