whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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