a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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