she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize