The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
