And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
