if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
