i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
