It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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