It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
