my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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