I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
