wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
