please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
