the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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