I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Are my feet made of real feet?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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