The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
