I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
