is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
