508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
