I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
