dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
