i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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