the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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