the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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