She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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