Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize