i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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