i jhust puked up my retainher.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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