im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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