watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
