and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
