I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
