I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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