Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
