I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
